“Let’s go, Guardians! Let’s go! Let’s go, Guardians! Let’s go!”

“Guardian, I said you could use the extra ticket. I didn’t say you could cheer. We’re at Yankee Stadium.”

“But I’m so excited, Michelle. I can’t help myself. Ooh, wait. My down feathers are tingling. Someone is talking about background investigations.”

From the seats behind Michelle and Guardian. “I don’t like this whole Ban The Box rule. We cannot be put in the position of hiring someone with a criminal background.

I mean, what if we hire someone with a history of embezzlement, and they end up stealing from us? Or, worse, hire someone who served time for manslaughter?!”

“I hear you, sister! And if you DO end up hiring someone without knowing all that history, the big, THEY will come after you. You can’t win. If you ask about criminal history, you violate their rights … If you don’t ask about criminal history, you jeopardize the public and your business. They should have just left well enough alone.”

“Excuse me, fair ladies”, Guardian interrupted, “I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. Allow me to set your minds at ease. Ban The Box does not forbid you to ask applicants about criminal backgrounds. It only states that you cannot do so until after a specific point in the interview process like a conditional offer.

It is to give people with past convictions a fair chance to gain employment and set their paths straight. Once you’ve gone through the process of searching resumes, interviewing qualified candidates, and discussing the finalists with your hiring team, you have every right to inquire about criminal backgrounds,” Guardian explained.

“Who, or what, ARE you?!” They exclaimed.

“Guardian’s the name, background investigations is my game. The government does not want you to blindly hire people with past convictions. The government simply wants qualified candidates to get a fair shot. If you are hiring someone to deal with money, embezzlement is a bona fide reason to not hire. If you are hiring someone to drive a bus, drunk driving is the same.”

“HOT DOGS!! GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE!!”

“Gotta go, ladies. Hope I set your minds at ease. Michelle, Michelle! They’re selling hot dogs! I never had a hot dog. Had a beagle once, not heated up. Can I get a hot dog? PLEASE!!”

“You ATE a beagle?! Thanks a lot for sharing that, Guardian. Vendor, this guy wants to eat someone’s puppy. Can you get someone to take care of that?”

Up walks stadium security. “Hey, bird! Get in the box! You’re outta here!”

“NO!! BAN THE BOX! BAN THE BOX! Come one, everyone! BAN THE …”